We're almost two weeks into the new year and I feel like nothing's been accomplished. Of course there has been quite a bit done around the house and we've managed to clear out a bunch of stuff that's been cluttering up the closets for the past year. The To Do list for the day job has certainly seen a good number of checkmarks added to completion boxes, as well. But, despite the obvious signs that things are being completed, there is this overarching feeling that "nothing" has been done.
This humdrum state is nothing new, though. The day-to-day can seem boring, tedious, and tiresome when a routine settles in to turn what was once interesting and invigorating into something completely unremarkable. The human condition means we're never satisfied with what we have for very long regardless of how good we might have it. Comparing my life today to what it was twenty years ago shows a night and day difference, so what is it that makes the start of 2020 seem so banal and monotonous that current efforts come across as irrelevant?
A lack of gratitude, perhaps?
The way I approach the day is clearly in error. While things are not what they could be, they are a heck of a lot better than I seem willing to admit to myself. Is this the result of a mild depression, a lack of sunlight, or a growing realisation of my own stupidity? Most likely. These deficiencies can be overcome, though. A few weeks ago I was very much in a depressed state1, but the feeling is dissipating with each passing day. The unseasonably warm weather makes afternoon walks around the neighbourhood more enjoyable, which is always welcome. And as for my stupidity and ignorance, that's a problem I've been working on with some effort over the last two years with clearly positive results2. There is a lot to be thankful for.
This is something I need to remember more often.
This most recent dip resulted in some rather dark thoughts. Fortunately, nothing came of them.
The "positive results" include making fewer stupid decisions, listening to my conscience more closely when it's advising I not do a thing, and learning more about how to be a better person.