When Nozomi and I head out for our evening walk I like to stop by a covered bench in the park where we can both just rest and watch the world go by. There is rarely much action to be seen beyond some local residents walking their dogs or teenaged boys playing basketball on the dirt court nearby, but it’s an excellent place to think. This is usually what Nozomi and I do for about fifteen minutes every evening … though I don’t know whether my puppy does much with her time other than enjoy being in the moment, surrounded by fresh air and the sounds of nature.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m a bad person. Sometimes I wonder if I’m too selfish, asking for things that I think I want, then finding I don’t actually want those things. This recurring idea has come up time and again as I think about my career, it’s path, it’s potential future, and where I want to be in five years. When I talk to people about my ambitions they usually tell me that what I have right now is really, really good and that I should be thankful for the freedoms and simply enjoy the moment, because any sort of movement within the organization would result in losing some of the flexibility I’ve been granted.
I understand where they’re coming from, and I appreciate the directness so many provide. I’m just not sure I can sit still. There’s still so much I’d like to do despite the dwindling number of working years that lie ahead. This is why I wonder if I’m an awful and selfish person. Do I ask for too much? Do I not appreciate what has been awarded to me?
These thoughts are best considered in near quiet isolation. Fortunately there is a covered bench not too far from my home where Nozomi and I can just sit. And think. And watch the world go by.