Feeling Blasé

Like billions of people around the world, I work really hard to accomplish the various goals and requirements that accumulate over time. Last week I managed to put in 68 hours for the day job, 21 hours for 10Centuries, 7 hours for podcasting, and who-knows-how-many hours for family or Nozomi¹. According to SleepCycle, an application I've used for over 1300 nights to track my sleeping habits, I've had 47 hours of sleep in the last week. All in all this is pretty standard, but I wonder if perhaps this is too much. Once again I find myself struggling to get motivated before lunchtime and, once again, that inner voice that tries so hard to dissuade me from doing anything is getting louder.

Train Tracks Approaching a Close Horizon

Sometimes when I'm struggling to get motivated I wonder what it is in my head that insists on being negative when there is just so much to be happy about. Family life is getting better. Nozomi is as awesome as ever. 10Centuries continues to see refinements and improvements that really make it shine as a testament to what years of careful study and attention can accomplish². There might be a house purchase in the near future, and I'm starting to feel more comfortable living in Japan as elements of the environment have gone from intriguing to annoying to tolerable to barely-noticable background noise³. Why do I continue to look at sets of train tracks or paths into forests and ask myself where they go?

Is it just a lack of quality sleep? Is it something more? I have no idea, but I'd love to figure it out. It makes no sense to feel blasé or otherwise uninterested in work when there's so much good going on.

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  1. I don't really pay attention to how much time I spend with the puppy, because it's better when there's no perceived start and end.
  2. Never mind the bugs. They won't be around for long, anyhow.
  3. More on this in a future podcasting series … assuming I can collate enough audio to take part in Dog Days of Podcasting 2016.