These Aren't My Hands

Over the last few days I've had the growing feeling that the hands attached to the ends of my arms are not my own. They look different to me for some reason. They don't feel different, nor is there the ridiculous desire to have them removed from my body1 … but the hands I am using to write this blog post feel as foreign as yours to me.

What makes me so sure these hands are not mine? The fingers aren't long enough and the palm is too wide. My hands have always been very long and slender, with fingers that could lay perfectly straight. The hands I see before me, though, look old. The skin is much more textured and finger nails far less symmetrical. The palm is so full of deep lines and crevices that it reminds me of my mother's hand more than my own. The single piece of jewellery worn on the left ring finger, a wedding ring of gold and platinum, no longer spins freely.

These hands are fat. I've never had fat hands … even when I was a portly 111kg.

These aren't my hands.


  1. I find it absolutely terrifying that some people actually go to this extreme when they are convinced a body part is not their own