It Can't Be That Bad

Over much of the last six months, I've been battling a slow-losing battle with the Demons of Self-Doubt. They sneak into thoughts and ideas, sowing the seeds of uncertainty everywhere. After a number of months, one is left wondering whether there's ever any such thing as a "good idea". Many people all over the world struggle with a ceaseless pessimism, and a high percentage of people likely listen more often than they should. When I'm feeling particularly low, one thing I tend to do is just do a random image search for simple words that describe abstract concepts, such as "happiness".

Happiness

Looking at these top search results, I can't help but wonder if the results would be exactly the same if I were to look for images that describe "freedom". This is what most of the pictures say to me, and it likely goes without saying that people who feel the most free are likely the most happy with life. I'm more like a fish in a Kool-Aid pitcher-sized bowl.

Is This Freedom?

Is this feeling of entrapment the result of life changes involving young people and large mortgages? This most likely plays a large part of it. But the intrinsic pessimism that burrows itself deep into my creative processes isn't helping matters at all.

While it's still way too early to know what 2018 might have in store1, I do know that some changes need to be made at the day job as well as with my personal time management. This coming year simply cannot be as rushed as this one, where every spare minute is dedicated to some fabricated priority. There must be time to sit down to think. There must be time to sit down to play. There must be time to shoo the Demons of Self-Doubt away.


  1. aside from moving into a new house, that is

Post 2484

Today was one of those days where you get into work with a plan to do one thing, get side-tracked with an email outlining a different thing, and complete something both wonderful and unexpected half an hour before the end of your Friday shift meaning you might actually have a few minutes of peace before leaving to catch the train home. All in all, it wasn't bad. There is still quite a bit of work waiting to be done after the weekend, but that's par for the course and ultimately good for a person who wishes to be gainfully employed for the next little bit. Unfortunately, while on the way home, the good efforts of the day took a turn for the worse when email was used instead of a telephone call to announce that a server was down at the day job. As one might expect, there's squat I can do with downed servers when outside the corporate network, and VPN access is pretty much forbidden at this point.

But the struggles of work and the institutionalized silliness that one finds in any corporate environment isn't really the topic for this post. Instead I'm thinking more about something very different: the pursuit of happiness.

One of the greatest things anybody can figure out is how to be happy. This is not quite as easy as it sounds, nor is it a static answer. Instead we find that the ultimate set of conditions that go into making a person "happy" expands and contracts over time as one's fickle nature adapts to the changes that accumulate day after day. That being said, the one thing that I have long sought in my own pursuits has been the incredibly fluid and immeasurably precious resource called time. Like millions of others, I want to have more control over how I use my time. Sadly, the only way to do this while enjoying a decent standard of living is to somehow acquire a great deal of money or fall into a time warp like Bill Murray did in the 1993 movie, Groundhog Day.

Time is one thing I will not have a great deal of for quite a while.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Who doesn't love some good chocolate chip cookies? I absolutely freaking love these things. Sure, they're not the healthiest food in the world, but they're oh-so-delicious.

chocolatechip_cookies.jpg

Just look at how awesome they are …